Ewe's Not Fat, Ewe's Just Fluffy

In just over a month, the doctor went from telling Ben "I'm worried he's losing too much weight" to "His weight is fine as long as he's 12 months old." Our little porker eats like a Rawandan refugee at an Old Country Buffet. Since that first week when he'd lost an entire pound, his average gain has been a pound a week. He's almost 14 pounds (almost double his birth weight) and he's not even 8 weeks yet. There are many species of fish in the deepest parts of the ocean that are opportunistic feeders, eating whenever food is available, regardless of being hungry or not. Ben eats the same way (as do the people applying to be on the "Biggest Loser" TV show). He'll chug 6 ounces of milk and be willing to eat an hour later. It's like if I ate a 20 piece chicken McNugget and large fry then walked across the street to Friendly's and had a 5 scoop reeses pieces sundae. "Yes I want the whipped cream and extra hot fudge!!!" I did actually do that a few times in High School but I was swimming 7,000 yards a day. Ben's major form of activity is kicking his legs a few times after farting. Anyway, we've curtailed his eating to a normal level and he hasn't seemed to notice. He's happy and healthy. Besides, who doesn't love a fat, rolly-polly baby.

Retraction

To quote my wife, the last post was "a little too cynical". (however, to quote Jerry McGuire, "we live in a cynical world.") After some thought, I have to agree with Caryn. Buying silly outfits that the baby will never wear is part of being a new parent. One night before Ben was born, we took the tags off all his little newborn clothes and put them in the wash. We then sat next to each other on the floor, held up each outfit, made an "ohhh" sound, and folded the tiny pants and little hooded sweatshirts. It didn't matter that he might not wear it. Just picturing our baby-to-be in those outfits was worth every penny. So enjoy shopping for your real life Barbie or Ken doll. Those memories are just as important as any other. Babies-R-Us thanks you.

It's A Scam

There are businesses in life that take advantage of the consumer because they know you need their services. They inflate their prices (i.e. a $2,000 veil which is essentially lace and elastic) and convince you to buy useless upgrades (Does you great aunt Ethel really need a 500 year water tight titanium coffin?). Funeral homes, anything to do with weddings, and hospitals are examples of this. A new addition to this list is baby items. More specifically, newborn clothing. Ben is already wearing 3 month clothing. As an "amoeba-like" newborn, he wore about 12% of the newborn clothing we bought or had received as a gift. You see these tiny jean jackets, cool hoodies, and mini cargo pants for newborns and you're already thinking about how cute the picture will be. What you don't realize is a newborn needs to wear 2 things. A diaper and a sleep sack. The sleep sack keeps him warm but makes it easy to change him. It's basically a potato sack with arms sewn in. All the other stuff is difficult to get on because he has the consistency of the previously mentioned amoeba. You're too worried about snapping his neck to put a shirt on. The pants might rub his umbilical cord so they're out. The hooded sweatshirt is probably a suffocation hazard or something.

That's the other thing. How come everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, has become an object to fear because it has the potential to kill your child. We'll eventually develop levitation technology to float your child 6 inches above his crib surrounded in a Star Wars style force field impenetrable to everything except bottles and soft hugs. The last time I checked, the cat licks her feet after using the litterbox. Just rinse off the pacifier and let it do it's pacifying. I've really gotten off track here...

Parents to be: Don't go crazy with newborn sized outfits. It's a waste. You'll have plenty of time to dress him up later. Just look at Ben in his spiffy 3 month jeans and monkey socks. Did I say monkey socks? Yes, he has them in 6 different colors...plus they're too big for a newborn.

Deer In Headlights

Bennet just learned how babies got made.

Do You Know The Monkey Man?

At some point during freshman year, I got the nickname Monkey Boy (thanks Kirsten, it really helped with the ladies). I eventually embraced the name but since college, it has faded into the "remember when" file. You can imagine I had a small nostalgic tear this morning when I took this picture. Just to prove the cyclical world we live in, we got this monkey chair from Kirsten and Holly, the givers of the name monkey boy. The torch has been passed to a new generation of Brofs. Well, just one Brof. Carry it well, little Ben.

Special Valentines Day Present

Ben is so sentimental. As a gift to mom and dad for valentines day, Ben's umbilical cord FINALLY fell off. Caryn found it in the footie of Bennet's PJ's this morning. Now he has a real belly button which means he can take a real bath. Honestly, sponge baths sound nice but you get cold very quickly; ask anyone who has ever ended up in traction.

Bennet did very well in his first bath. He was so happy, he made a beautiful fountain that arched up and over the far edge of the tub. I'm just so proud of his range.

Second Father-Son Moment

Don't worry, we both get it for the articles.

The Hefty Peanut

Bennet had his 1 month check up today. The little hippo went from 8.4 pounds to 10.12!!! He is 22.5 inches (started at 19.5). His head is over 15 inches around. Basically, all those numbers equate to Ben being in the 75th percentile for one month old babies. He also slept for 5 straight hours last night. It's the first time since he was born that Caryn and I got 5 straight hours of sleep. It was sooooo sweet. On a sad note, he got his hepatitis shot today. The nurse stuck the needle in his thigh and he went dead silent; eyes wide open. It took about 10 seconds for his face to contort, then he let out a 30 second scream, then fell silent for 30 seconds without breathing, mouth wide open. It was the most upset I have ever seen Bennet. I guess babies move in slow motion when they're REALLY pissed. It's really sad but also kind of funny.

Go Team

The first of many father son moments, Ben and I watched our first superbowl together. He took the wuss bet and just hoped everyone had a good time. The sleeping pic was taken midway through the third quarter. The 2nd and 3rd quarter were extremely boring so I didn't hold it against him or Caryn. I actually drank 2 beers plus what Ben didn't finish of his. I hate when people leave floaters. If you open it, drink it. Man up.

247-52-4861

Bennet is officially "on the grid." We received his Social Security Card last week which means he is eligible to have his identity stolen. Today, son, you are truely an American. Another benefit of being part of the "matrix" is that we can track his social security income that, because of baby boomers, will no longer exist by the time he retires. If the youth pay for the elderly now, who will pay for the youth!!!!!

(don't worry, that's not his real SSN, I changed the last digit)

Just Some Pics

Confucius says, "he who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger."
just ate lunch, mmmmm, boobies
This one just makes me smile

It's 3AM, Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Mine just ate, breastmilk from a bottle. This allows Caryn to sleep and me to enjoy the bonding of feeding...spit up, poopy diapers mid-feeding. Has any adult ever been the middle of chewing a huge mouthful of steak and thought, "I need to poop?" Ben does it almost every time. In one end, out the other...simultaneously. Anyway, strange things happen at 3AM when you're not drunk. The TV seems the brightest it's ever been. You notice loud creeks in the floor that were never there before. You can pee in your front lawn without repercussions. You gotta take the good with the bad. I'm going back to bed. Here's hoping Ben's tummy is full enough to give me 3 straight hours of uninterrupted, unadulterated sleep...