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Bennet is officially "on the grid." We received his Social Security Card last week which means he is eligible to have his identity stolen. Today, son, you are truely an American. Another benefit of being part of the "matrix" is that we can track his social security income that, because of baby boomers, will no longer exist by the time he retires. If the youth pay for the elderly now, who will pay for the youth!!!!!

(don't worry, that's not his real SSN, I changed the last digit)

Just Some Pics

Confucius says, "he who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger."
just ate lunch, mmmmm, boobies
This one just makes me smile

It's 3AM, Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Mine just ate, breastmilk from a bottle. This allows Caryn to sleep and me to enjoy the bonding of feeding...spit up, poopy diapers mid-feeding. Has any adult ever been the middle of chewing a huge mouthful of steak and thought, "I need to poop?" Ben does it almost every time. In one end, out the other...simultaneously. Anyway, strange things happen at 3AM when you're not drunk. The TV seems the brightest it's ever been. You notice loud creeks in the floor that were never there before. You can pee in your front lawn without repercussions. You gotta take the good with the bad. I'm going back to bed. Here's hoping Ben's tummy is full enough to give me 3 straight hours of uninterrupted, unadulterated sleep...

Word Gets Around

Between family and friends, we've had a lot of visitors over the last 3 weeks. The gifts (for Ben), food (for me), and general support (lots for Caryn) have been amazing and Caryn and I are truly thankful. In addition, I am still surprised to hear about people reading the blog. I'm not surprised when friends say they check up on it. However, hearing someone say their co-workers check it every now and then or that the parents of one of my friends are "religiously addicted" makes my ego swell to new record proportions (props to the Harris family, never met you but Stacey said this would make you laugh). This blog started as a way to show my brother and sister in California the sonogram pics. I think it will be pretty cool to show this to Ben one day. He might get pissed for the pic of his "lead singer" in utero but let's face it, you only have one senior prom.

Local Color

We took Ben out for the first time today. As a true Pennsylvanian, we figured the best way to acclimate him to the local customs was to eat at the Hometown Diner down the street. Hear colorful Pennsylvania Dutch phrases like "Dont'cha know" and "goin fishin down there to the crick there"(sounds like a mix of German and English). Eat new foods like "scrapple". It's not quite a sausage patty, not quite hash browns, but it comes floating in its own grease puddle and includes a coupon for a cholesterol screening. Ben, can you say cardiac infarction?

It was really nice to get out of the house and eat bacon, eggs, and pancakes. Ben slept the entire time. I'm hoping that is a habit, not an exception. Still waiting for that umbilical cord to fall off...which strangely looks very similar to scrapple...

A Lot Can Happen In Two Weeks

When I look at what has happened over the last 2 weeks, I am at a loss for words. For comparison, it once took me 2 weeks to write a computer program that would calculate the day of the week for whatever date you wanted to know and display it in a nice calendar. In sales, I've done a 2 week "blitz" where I get in front of as many doctors as possible and deliver a precise message (sounds dumb, I know, but I get a free car). Hell, I once spent 2 straight weeks drunk during my senior year just for something to do...maybe it was 2 days...or months...was that senior year?...did I even go to college?...my brain hurts...who is Pythagoras?
Getting back to my point, all those accomplishments, regardless of how cool, were quite small compared to what I've seen and learned in just 14 days. Here's a few things
1. Skin is INCREDIBLY elastic.
2. The "5 S's" of a newborn. Sleep, shit, scream, suck, stare. Listed from most often to least, those are the only 5 things a newborn does, literally.
3. Baby farts are WAY funnier than grown-up farts...and more socially acceptable.
4. We all know hot water burn baby. However, warm water still makes them cry.
5. A woman can give birth to a baby, go through the most intense pain of her life, then be scared of a spider the next day.
6. Poop from breast milk may look gross but it doesn't really smell.
7. Babies bounce...
8. Just kidding...they don't bounce at all.
9. Still kidding, Ben has yet to meet the same fate as Edgar the stuffed rabbit (see "just practicing" blog entry)
10. Visit your parents, give them a hug, and thank them for everything.

Young Pythagoras

The sum of the squares of the two sides of a right triangle are equal to the square of the opposite side!

The Stink Eye

We've been calling Ben "One-eye stink eye" since day one. People ask where nicknames come from. Now we know.

For The Future Dads

Ok, Caryn is asleep and Ben is in a serious food coma. I wanted to give a little info to the clueless men out there who may father a child someday. First off, there is nothing disgusting about child birth. It is truly the most amazing event I have ever witnessed. Most of us have seen "The Miracle of Life" video. I agree, it's pretty gross. However, it is a completely different experience when it's your wife and your baby. There are details I will leave out of this very public blog however. Child birth is an incredibly intimate process to be shared by a mother, father, and baby...and the OBGYN, 2 nurses, a 7 member NIC-U team, 3 residents, an anaesthesiologist, a few techs, and a partridge in a pear tree. That's it. Having said that, my advice is to take take in as much as possible during the delivery.

Remember, although they haven't met face to face, your baby momma has known this baby for the last 9 months. There's a strong intimate bond between the two of them that you don't really feel yet. Even with the delivery, future mom goes through all the work, pain, and struggle to bring him into the world. The bond for me started as soon as I could see the top of the head coming out of her "hey now." To watch this kid come out is to experience the last 9 months in fast forward. You don't feel the pain directly but you see it on her face, by the way she squeezes your hand, by the look of "holy shit" on your newborn child's face. Men are visual people. We need to see something to understand the feeling behind it. Sleep at the hospital in that uncomfortable chair, wake up at night to watch your baby feed, do as much as possible. Unfortunately, one of the few jobs you can do is change dirty diapers. (the first diaper Caryn changed was on the day I had to go back to work). The good news is that the poo doesn't really smell...yet. In a strange way, you get excited that your son has just blasted out one of the loudest farts you've ever heard; and I lived in a Frat house for 2 years!

The last thing I want to mention is the sleep deprivation. Hands down, the single piece of advice I was given before Bennet arrived was "get your sleep now." We all know what it feels like to be sleep deprived. Whether it was all nighters in college, 24 hour parties, or a stressful job, you all know what I'm talking about. However, think of how you feel after only 2 hours of sleep. Then do it again the next night. Then, for 8 days straight, never sleep for longer than 2.5 hours at any given time. You lose track of what day it is, forget to eat, start talking to shower curtains. To this day, Caryn still wakes up every 2-3 hours to feed Ben...EVERY NIGHT. Women are amazing creatures. I have a new found respect for Caryn and all women in general after this. Remember, if men had to deliver babies and breast feed, there would be no more babies.

I Screwed Up

Caryn and I had been pretty much set on the name Bennet for a while. However, we NEVER talked about the spelling. When I sent out the first email announcing his arrival, I spelled it Bennett. When it came time to fill out the official paperwork, we both thought Bennet looked better, maybe a little more symmetrical or Feng Shui. Anyway, I wanted to make clear that according to the US Government Social Security Offices, my son's name is Bennet James. I was a little too anxious to tell everyone he was here and it's caused a lot of confusion. Besides, judging by his reaction, I think Bennet prefers "Poop Ferguson" or "One-eye Stink Eye" anyway. Here's a pic.

The Sponge Bath

Bennet has his hand up here as if he's about to say "Dad, stop taking pictures of me naked, enough already." Because Ben still has the umbilical cord and it can't get wet, we can only give him a sponge bath. Usually, the sponge bath is reserved for quadriplegics and dare devils who came up just short of that last school bus. Newborns have this benefit but seem to hate it. These 2 pics are just before and just after the bath. I didn't include a pic of the actual sponge bath because the look on Ben's face says "Call Family Services, save me!"

Buddha Baby

I am on a spiritual plane only attainable by Buddhist Monks... ohmmm ohmmm ohmmm

Natural Mom

Look how fast Caryn moves around little Ben. She's amazing! Ben is feeding better and better. He gets into the cutest food coma afterwards. His eyes kind of cross and although they're open, they're completely glassed over. He coos a little bit as if to say, "mmmmmm."

Introducing Bennet James Bronfenbrenner

Caryn and I would like to introduce you all to Bennet James. He was born at 3:12PM on January 9th. He weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. He's perfect, Caryn and Ben are doing very well, and we're all a little tired. More details later, just wanted to post a few pics to appease the masses. Sleep Ben, it's been a long 72 hours.

We're Not Getting Any Younger

Since getting back to work after New Years, Caryn has been frantically trying to get midterms made and papers in order so she can hand off the duties to her long term substitute teacher. Although trying to wrap everything up at the last minute is keeping Caryn's mind off of delivery, it's also getting us extremely anxious. Yes, procrastination seems to be genetic. The doctors and nurses keep telling us any day now but Fee is determined to stay in there until the last minute. Stubborn little bugger.

The Countdown Begins

We went to the doctor on Thursday for Caryn's weekly check-up. The doctor listened and poked and announced, "congratulations, you are full term." I already knew that but hearing the doctor tell us made me a little uneasy. Basically, labor can start at any time; while Caryn is sleeping, while enjoying a delicious Arby's sandwich, during 4th period math in front of 15 tenth graders. Who knows? It's the anticipation that's killing me. Every time Caryn calls me, my heart skips a beat. Women at this stage get "braxton hicks contractions" which are like warm up contractions for the real thing. Her stomach gets rock hard for about a minute. The great thing is that there doesn't seem to be any pain involved...yet. People have started guessing what day Fee will ride the slip and slide into our life. There's no pool of money but you'd always have the claim that you "knew" when he'd arrive. Just a reminder, the actual due date is January 12th. Happy New Year!

Lub Dub

I know what you're thinking. "Three posts in one day? Space it out!" Listen, it's freezing rain and snowing outside plus there's a lot of exciting stuff going on. I've had a really nice stethoscope for a few years without really knowing why. Now I know. We can hear Fee! It's faint, but Caryn and I both heard Fee's rapid heartbeat this morning without the use of the OB's fancy machine. (side note: the first time the doctor used one of his heartbeat machines on Caryn, he looked up and said "I think we lost this one." The moron meant that the batteries were dead but Caryn immediately translated it into "we lost the baby." Before her eyes got too watery, he realized his error and explained himself but, come on, what type of a**hole thing is that to say.) I digress. Anyway, hearing Fee's heartbeat in our own house without any doctors around was really cool.
With less than a month left, I am realizing more and more that this baby is coming. People keep asking me if I'm ready. How the hell do I know? I'm excited and nervous. I can't wait to meet the little guy and have him wrap his tiny fingers around my hand. I can't wait to just look at him while he's sleeping. There's so much I'm looking forward to. Am I ready? Of course not. You can't always be ready in life. Sometimes, you just have to dive him head first. In Fee's case, he's diving "out" head first...hopefully. There is a time and place for a cannonball. This would not be one of those times son.

Sassafrass

Check out sassy Caryn! (she is being escorted by Reese, the Duchess of Sass) Caryn is 36.5 weeks pregnant in this picture. Forget weeks, she looks good for 36.5 DAYS pregnant! If Sassland were a country, she'd be the president. Her primary export is Sass. When Caryn walks past, you become sassified. Caryn's tears have enough Sass to make Beyonce say, "that's a lot of sass." If Reese had this much sass, she would explode. Keep it sassy.

What's Up Martha Stewart

Check out the nursery! Admit it, you wish you could throw on a diaper, climb into the crib, and drift off into a bubble filled slumber. The wall looks so nice you hardly even notice the chair rail!

Except for one missing element, my vision for the nursery is complete. That element? A baby.

Fruit Of Labor

Today is December 12th and Fee is due on January 12th. Just like that, we are one month away from diaper bags and sleep deprivation. At this stage, Fee is a little larger than a cantaloupe and just as juicy. Unfortunately in a month, his "juice" transforms into stinky poo. Come to think of it, the same thing happens to a cantaloupe after a month. I guess the biggest difference is that Fee will never get served during brunch.
This also means I only have a month left to call him Fee. He will no longer be a Fetus but a living breathing poo-machine...and that machine needs a name. WE think we have it narrowed down to 2 front-runners and 4 more maybes. I think Caryn has actually decided on the name but hasn't told me. So, for now, WE'RE not sure. The illusion that I have a choice is what keeps me happy. Reality can really get you frustrated...much like a rotten cantaloupe.

Just Practicing

I am a multitasking machine! Here I am enjoying a beer, watching football, giving the cat attention, and taking care of the baby. For now, the baby is Edgar the stuffed rabbit. I put the stroller together while carrying baby Edgar as well. It was easy. Feeling confident I'd mastered fatherhood, I decided my experiment was complete. Plus, after assembling the stroller, I stood up and watched Edgar fall out of the Baby Bjorn and onto the sharp open pair of scissors on the floor. Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby!

A Simple Thanks

No jokes, sarcasm, or wit. I just really wanted to say over and over again how grateful Caryn and I are for everyones gifts to Fee. We've got an entire zoo of stuffed animals, car seat, stroller, playpen, high chair, and a wardrobe Paris Hilton would be jealous of (ok, 1 joke). I can't begin to thank everyone enough. We love you all, even the people who stumbled on this blog by accident (2). We're only 6 weeks away!!!

The Turkey is Done

Well, we made it through the 2007 Thanksgiving Belly Tour. In 3 and a half days we traveled to 6 different locations to "celebrate" Thanksgiving and see various family members and friends. It was very tiresome (more for Caryn) but it was really nice to see everybody.

I am thankful for many things this year. Caryn has had a healthy pregnancy and Fee is doing everything he is supposed to be doing (pushing on her bladder, kicking her ribs, etc...). Just this week, we noticed the striking resemblance of Caryn's bellybutton and a turkey breast (huh huh...breast). It has gone from a DEEP innie to a cute outtie in the last week or so. Another similarity is that both turkey and Caryn's growing belly seem to make her tired.

Unlike the popped button on a cooked turkey however, Fee is not ready to be taken out of the oven. He's still got 6 weeks left to reach full term. That sounds really soon, we'd better start setting the table and pouring the wine...

1/2 Chinese 1/2 Mutt

Caryn has pure Chinese blood and I have pure German/Irish/Russian/Golden Retriever blood (actually, I'm pretty much everything EXCEPT Chinese). Fee will have 3 sets of Grandparents, 2 of which are mixed race. (3 for 3 if you count the fact that my dad is an engineer and my mom is not :) I don't necessarily care what race he thinks he is but I do wonder if he will.
Being a white male, I'll admit race is not something that's gotten thrown in my face. However, Caryn has some examples. One of my favorites being the all too frequently asked question from a guy, usually in a bar-type situation: "What type of Asian are you?" A close second is "Where are you from?" To someone like me, the question means where do you live. To Caryn, it's the "polite" way of asking "What type of Asian are you?" Her response to the question is always "I'm from New York, why?" Most of the time, people don't realize how dumb their question was until this point. The sight of them explaining that they didn't mean where Caryn grew up, they meant "What type of Asian are you" usually makes them realize how stupid their question was in the first place.
Here's my point. My son will have predominantly Chinese features. However, there will be part of me in those features (assuming I'm the dad...hehe). I'm anticipating the first time someone (probably a young substitute teacher) reads Bronfenbrenner off an attendance sheet and sees a handsome Asian looking boy raising his hand. She'll ask what type of Asian he is, and he can say "Bronfenbrenner is German you twit." Deine Mutter hat einer Schnurrbart!

Hot Momma

Caryn is now 30 weeks pregnant which means Fee has less than 10 weeks before he emerges as a beautiful butterfly, locust, or baby. Again, the sonogram pics aren't completely clear. We've gotten a lot of requests for more pics of Caryn. I'd like to remind all of you that this is babybrof.blogspot.com, not babybrof and mom! I had originally planned to post pics of Caryn at "preggocaryn.blogspot.com" to illustrate her 9 month journey into motherhood. Unfortunately, that domain name is already owned by an S&M Porn site. Who knew? In the end, I've decided to combine the 2 blogs into one so here she is. Doesn't she look great!

Behind The Scenes

Here's Reese helping me write quirky messages for the Blog. Most of her ideas involve tuna fish or fun activities with a laser pointer. Come to think of it, she doesn't help at all. In fact, anything I do that doesn't involve 100% of my attention towards her makes her mad; hence trying to sit on the laptop. I'm hoping she doesn't have a problem once Fee comes home. One false swipe at my son and that cat will be a no home walking free mother f***er. This is MY HOUSE!

For you truly dedicated blog followers, you can tell I'm not actually updating the Blog in this picture. How can you tell? I'm wearing pants....(don't like to constrict my creativity)

Fee's First Halloween

We went out to Pittsburgh last weekend for Matt and Steph's 2nd Annual (sort of) Halloween Party. They're the "dead" doctors in the blue scrubs. Thanks for a great evening filled with IC Light and pepperoni rolls.

You can see from Caryn's picture that all systems are ready for baby Fee's "nutritional" needs. Steve, Orgasm Donor, Mascaro is getting a taste of his own medicine. Erin and Steve had matching costumes, so did Matt and Steph. Caryn was a wet t-shirt winner and I was Napoleon Dynamite. The unifying theme...both costumes are flippin' sweet.

Baby Bison

Fee made his first trip to Bucknell this weekend. It was Homecoming and we hadn't been there in a few years. We saw the comedian Jim Gaffigan (hot pockets?) and got 3 FREE beer tickets. It was cool, as long as we had that ugly orange wristband we could walk anywhere on campus with an open beer. I could walk right up to public safety and chug a beer in his face...he'd just have to stand there groovin' on it. We saw Lambda Chi, my old fraternity. It still has the same stale beer/piss smell that conjures up memories of parties past. Fee was very happy walking around campus all day, he's already thinking about matriculating. NASA is currently calculating how much it will cost to send him there.

What's Up Chair Rail?

A woman sacrifices a lot when she becomes pregnant: lost sleep, changes in body, sore muscles, people telling her she "looks huge". What then should the man sacrifice...besides having to put up with the woman (don't worry, I've already gotten smacked for that comment). Part of my sacrifice became putting up a chair rail in the nursery. Painting alone was not good enough for my little man. Besides. Caryn wanted it. Anyway, how hard could it be? Well, take a look for yourself. Have you ever cut a perfect 22.5 degree angle? I did...twice. It turned out much better than I ever thought it would. Now we're going to cover it all up with a crib, dresser, and changing table but I'll know it's there, protecting the wall, in case the furniture ever goes away and someone accidentally bumps their chair into the wall. I'll be there to say, "this wall was protected by me, you're welcome." I haven't decided what my theme music will be but in the far chance this exact situation occurs, I'll probably hum something provocative.

Super Dave

This has nothing to do with Baby Brof. However, I just wanted to give a fine "Hazzaaah" to my brother, super Dave (aka brof-en-brother). He ran the Steamtown Marathon a week ago and finished fourth. His time was just over 2 hours 25 minutes. For those of you not familiar with marathons (aka not insane), that's well under 6 minutes per mile for 26.2 miles. I can't run one mile under 6 minutes....hence the name super Dave. Anyway, this is a pic of him about 10 minutes after he finished. I call this photograph "Caged Passion." The fence Dave is leaning on symbolizes how his passion for running has imprisoned him while at the same time has set him free. People in the background seem not to notice the heroic figure leaning on the gate. Could this infer the idea that Dave is still waiting for validation from his peers for excellence? The snapple water in his hand...is he willing to sell out to become a larger than life runner? There are many questions to this riddle of mystery known as "Caged Passion." Take some time to reflect on your own personal marathons, whatever they may be....

We're very proud of you, Dave.